There are 18 days left until the next season and new doctor of Doctor Who (but Who’s really counting?) and there has been a flurry of Who-related articles for us Whovians to relish in once again. I’ve happened across several articles ranking the scariest monsters in the rebooted seasons and quite frankly, they are so off base it made my Tardis-blue blood boil. I had to, HAD to, create my own list and hope these people see the error in their ways.
Let’s get the easy ones out of the way:
Honorable Mention – (but not really scary) monsters:
Daleks: Anyone that has the Daleks listed as scary probably hasn’t watched Doctor Who. They’re just going off of information they’ve overheard at work or from snippets of an interview they misunderstood. You can’t take the upside-down trash cans with plungers for eyes seriously. You just can’t. As the (or at least one of the many) antithesis of the Doctor, an easy to write in reoccurring enemy, Daleks are just simply not scary. They’re inconvenient for the Doctor at times, laughably ignorant, and flawed in their thinking and reasoning, yes, but not scary.
Cybermen: also not scary. Weird and maybe the “upgrade” process makes you cringe because of whirring blades and drills. Their wits are slower than their walk and it’s a miracle they’ve been able to get the numbers that they need to be even be remotely threatening because they’re certainly not going to run you down.
Other lesser monsters with smaller roles in the Doctor’s storyline that continue to be not scary:
The Flood: Definitely rated on the creepy factor though
Zygons: Only listed because it’s the 10th Doctor’s favorite villain
Hosts: Gold Autons
Clockwork Droids: For the vague representation of clowns
Gelth: Ghosts are still scary, right?
Racnoss: Ew, spiders
The Beast: Or the devil, however you choose to view him
Peg Dolls: This is your My Little Buddy doll nightmare come true
The Master: He actually is a huge part of the 10th Doctor’s story line, but technically he’s not a monster (since he’s Time Lord) which is why he isn’t mentioned in The List.
TO THE LIST!
4. The Silence
Your stereotypical alien being with the twist of a suit, these monsters are un-forgettable (I couldn’t help it). The ultimate monster-in-your closet, The Silence have now overtaken any and all Matrix claims to deja-vu and wondering what it is that you can’t quite seem to remember but might be important.
3. The Empty Child
Four words will haunt you for the rest of your life: Are you my mummy? If they don’t, you’re probably dead already. Children have a knack for pulling off the ultra-creepy. This one takes the cake with the added bonus of a WWII era gas mask.
2. Vashta Nerada
This monster hit too close to home by embodying a childhood fear and bringing it to life in the Whoverse. Anyone that needed a nightlight as a child (and clearly don’t anymore now that we’re adults, that’s just to avoid stepping on the cats in the middle of the night, I swear) can identify with the terrifying reality of this flesh-eating monster. The extra scary kicker – the swarms kept their victims upright and somewhat functional with the whole moving and talking bit even after they were dead. Bonus!
1. Weeping Angels
You knew it was coming, but here it is. Suddenly everything you knew about angel statues was bad and wrong and boy aren’t you glad you didn’t have to learn the hard way? (unless you did, in which case sorry you’re old and reading this too late). Don’t Blink is a mantra Whovians will identify with for ages to come, and all because some benign garden statues are actually crazy killer statues with freaky teeth and a hunger for potential energy. If you blink or underestimate how fast they can move, even for being statues, you’ll quickly find yourself transported back in time and all of the potential time you had in your first life has been eaten up by a Weeping Angel. The same Weeping Angel is probably already on the prowl for its next victim.
Personally, I’ve been practicing blinking one eye at a time. I wish I could tell you their sales dropped significantly after they first appeared in Blink because everyone realized how dangerous these things are, but I unfortunately don’t have any data to support that. However, I do have supporting evidence that Blink is considered one of the best Doctor Who episodes of all time, with the Weeping Angels hitting many best “New Classic Monsters” lists – they’re #3 according to Neil Gaiman’s list (right behind Max Schreck in Shadow of the Vampire (2000) and the 1984-87 Alan Moore/Steve Bissette/John Totleben revival of The Swamp Thing).
With a smattering of writers and a whole new cast, series 8 promises to be a much different flavor of Doctor Who than what we’ve been used to for the past two Doctors. An unofficial list of monsters has already surfaced (careful, spoilers sweetie) with both old and new monsters for fans to scoff at, root against, and perhaps even join the heavyweights of this list and scare us all in a completely reasonable fashion.
What are your favorite Doctor Who villains? Let us know in the comments, or on Google+, Facebook, or Twitter.